Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
