so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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