have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
