She's JV to your varsity
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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