wat bout pragnant strippers??
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
