I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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