just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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