i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Randomize
