What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
