I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
