I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
