I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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