I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
