i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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