I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
