belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
