you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
