new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
