You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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