I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You should frame my arrest warrant.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
