Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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