Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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