I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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