No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
