i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
