When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
