That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
