I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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