He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
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Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
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I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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