Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just gift wrapped bread.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
