grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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