im drinking this country out of the recession.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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