Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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