Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
