a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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