Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
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Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
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And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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