Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
COCAINE IS GR8
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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