I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
