I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
