im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
