And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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