My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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