I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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