the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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