I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize