she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
