Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
