ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
