i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
porn star boner night. come get it.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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