it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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