He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
