Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
