3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
