please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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