Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
