Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
