I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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