I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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