this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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