isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
