Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
