genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
