I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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