At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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