Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped