have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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