Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
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