Texts From Last Night

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  (917): View more from New York City

  i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!

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  (917): i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire! http://tfl.nu/yxp7
  Replies (12) Good night (4820) Bad night (859)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?

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  (847): How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women? http://tfl.nu/e8g0
  Replies (92) Good night (1638) Bad night (3997)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you

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  (+44): You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you http://tfl.nu/o2s0
  Replies (10) Good night (1697) Bad night (3588)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.

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  (602): I am NOT getting arrested in a wig. http://tfl.nu/5nul
  Replies (15) Good night (2670) Bad night (1085)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.

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  (810): I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here. http://tfl.nu/wy8z
  Replies (10) Good night (3810) Bad night (1066)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.

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  (250): Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment. http://tfl.nu/7c81
  Replies (10) Good night (1429) Bad night (2434)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.

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  (813): The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth. http://tfl.nu/4ea8
  Replies (5) Good night (2141) Bad night (1348)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.

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  (920): I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone. http://tfl.nu/uom5
  Replies (14) Good night (1548) Bad night (781)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.

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  (307): all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot. http://tfl.nu/o7h8
  Replies (2) Good night (1511) Bad night (752)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.

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  (321): Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever. http://tfl.nu/zuk0
  Replies (12) Good night (2905) Bad night (652)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.

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  (608): We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games. http://tfl.nu/omws
  Replies (1) Good night (928) Bad night (383)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection

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  (314): A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection http://tfl.nu/gf0u
  Replies (1) Good night (849) Bad night (481)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Most definitely.

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  (706): If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you? (901): Most definitely. http://tfl.nu/a94l
  Replies (4) Good night (992) Bad night (392)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  My day in three words: secret purse cake

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  (847): My day in three words: secret purse cake http://tfl.nu/hvdp
  Replies (0) Good night (624) Bad night (483)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room

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  (403): I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room http://tfl.nu/v5e3
  Replies (1) Good night (494) Bad night (626)

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