Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!

(408): View more from California

Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...

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(843): View more from South Carolina

By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on

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23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Read it at the TFLN blog
(864): View more from South Carolina

I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?

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(954): View more from Florida

I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.

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(510): View more from California

Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.

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(517): View more from Michigan

He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..

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