i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
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I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
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It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..