eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt