he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
