i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
