you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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