Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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