I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
