do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
