He disabled his match.com account in front of me
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
