I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
