The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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