from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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