hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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