I'm eating all of the evidence.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
