I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
