I'm really into asian looking animals
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
