i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
